wow! it's been a while. with school and work & helping coach, i just don't have time! two weeks ago sunday, a friend passed away. it's been rough for our community. again. <3

regretisn’tgood. every decision one makes in lifeis made for a reason
or another. whenever something bad happens, i go, ‘this is happening for
a reason’, or, ‘this is going to teach me something’.

She'sthe one you callwhen you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feelingdown because she's willing to lend an ear & be a friend. She's not the one you callwhen you need a dateto your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturdaynight. She's the one you spend time with betweengirlfriends, before you find "TheOne." You know, the one who you keep around in themeantime. She's notone of the guys, not a tomboy,but you don't look at her as a 'real'girl, either. She's not bitchy enough, or moody enough to be seen in that light. She'stoo laid-back,too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by.She's too understanding,too innocent, too comfortable; she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited theway a 'real' girl does. But she's cool,and nice, and funny, & attractiveenough that when you're lonely & need female companionship, she'lldo just fine.You don't haveto wine & dine her because she knows the real you already,& you don't have any facadesto keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to getanything of substance out of her, she's not easy, but you know that she cares aboutyou & is attracted to you, & that she'll give you the best friend you need. And you know youdon't have to explainyourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the factthat this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you haveany real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll goon a datewith the girl you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out withyou. She'll settle for a goodbyehug & a promise to call her & tell her how the date went. She's justso cool. But deep down, if youreally think about it (which you probably don'tbecause to you, the situation between the two of you isn't importantenough to merit any realthought), you knowthat it's really not fair. You know that although she would never sayit, it hurtsher to know that despite all her good points &all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend anyreal time with.Sure, it's mostly herfault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs. She could playthe hard-to-get person like the restof them do, if she really wanted to. But you & she both know that sheprobably couldn'tpull it off. Maybe she's too short,or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works atTaco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehowlife has given her a lot of really greatqualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a girl.So she remains foreverthe funny friend, the steadfast companion, &you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you everwanted in a girl. You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding,& she'll laughand make a joke about a smelly rental tux. She doesn't captivate youwith her beauty,or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blendsin with the crowd. She's safe.She doesn'twant to be the center of attention & turn the heads of everyone inthe room, but she wants to turn someone'shead. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do. She hasfeelings; she has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger & better heart than any girl you've everknown because she's had a front-rowseat to The Mess ThatIs Your Life, & she likes you anyway. She obviouslysees something worthwhile & redeeming in you because although you've givenher nothing,absolutely no reason to stillbe around, she is.  Don’t be afraid to let her know how much she means to you, that you’d be lost without her. Because someday,she might not be around. 

maybe it's a lotlike your world, maybe it's nothing like it. but if you look closer, youmight see someone like you. someone trying to find their way. someone trying tofind their place. someone trying to find their self. sometimes it seems likeyou are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated,unsatisfied, barely gettingby. but that feeling's a lie. and if you just hold on, just findthe courageto face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. becausewe all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the musicin their world to remind us that it won't always be this way. that someone is out there, and thatsomeone will find you.

so in the end.. they are always going to bethere. your girls, your friends, your sisters. maybe not in person,maybe you can't hear them. but they'll be there, if only inheart.

i think everyonehas a certain part of their lives where they truly wish they could just freezetime. whether it was three years ago, today, or still tocome, whether it was just a moment, a whole day, or a wholesummer. everyone has a time in their life where they wish everythingwould just stop. the world would stop turning & peoplewould stop changing. because to them, at that time, everythingwas perfect.

& it`s hard to watch things changewhen all you want is for them to stay the same. It`s funny butstupid how you want everything & nothing at the same time.It`s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on,& when you want to move on but you`re stuck right where you started.When feelings come & go & you can`t decide whatyou want. When you have so many things to say but you don`t knowwhere to start. When you want them in your life so bad,but all you can do is push them farther & farther away. It`s sohard to think back to how things used to be & look at it now& realize that things are different & they may neverbe the same. You tell yourself it`s not worth it, but if itreally didn`t matter, you wouldn`t spend so much time thinkingabout it.

SOPA